I blame fonejacker and Nigeria

Attention:Beneficiary,

It has come to our notice that you have been defrauded of your hard earned money by fraudsters from Africa and the rest of the world.During the last Anti-Fraud meeting held in Washington DC USA,it was alarmed so much by the rest of the world on the loss of fund by various foreigners to scam artists operating all over the world today.

After the meeting, we have decided to redeem the good image of African Countries,Therefore,an immediate payment of $10,500,000.00USD(Ten Million,Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) has been ordered for each of the affected victims.This is in accordance to our recommendations.This payments will be made by UNITED STATES FEDERAL RESERVE as the authorized and corresponding paying bank under the funding assistance of the World Bank.

As at date some beneficiaries have been paid most of them are from United States.Your information were among those mentioned by some of the syndicate that was apprehended in Lagos Nigeria,Accra Ghana and London as one of those that have lost alot of money to their operations.

You are hereby adviced and warned not to communicate or duplicate this message to anybody for any reason whatsoever as the U.S secret service and the F.B.I is working day and night to track this criminals down.This has to be kept confidential until these criminals are all apprehended.

You can receive your reimbursement via any of these options you choose(CERTIFIED BANK DRAFT OR WIRE TRANSFER).In this regards,You are to contact the Vice Chairman of the Federal Reserve,Mrs Janet Yellen on (federalreserve004@yahoo.pl).This will enable the immediate process on the release of your compensation payment to you.Your urgent response is awaited.

Janet Yellen
Vice Chairman,
United States Federal Reserve

So there we have it, another wanky spam email and shock, horror, look I am breaking their advice and raising the digital middle finger to them and Ha! I am duplicating this message and I rate it a 6/10 as there are too many silly errors in this to be even worthy of a modern and progressive spam mail.

Nigeria, land of…well I am not sure actually as English secondary schools don’t really concentrate on this part of the world and it was not on Hitler’s hit list or had anything to do with crop rotation so my knowledge is almost nothing about this mysterious place apart from the fact (or is it urban legend?) that its where spam mail spews forth into the world. When I get a spam mail from anyone claiming to be from Nigeria I smile, I really do as the image that conjures up in my mind is of this fine chap.

20130903-001154

 

It’s all phonejackers fault but it sets the tone for the following wonderful piece of garbage I received today. If you are not familiar with phonejacker take a look at this first.

Anyhow, here it is and its a fine welcome return to our friend with the sticky CAPS LOCK. HOWEVER, sorry, however, he’s bob on that yes indeed I have had bitter experience with scammers and its like Terence the ambassador really does know me. Gosh, I’m feeling almost bashful and almost teary eyed when he talks about my hard earned money. But, wait, whats that Terence are you telling me that there is no genuine business on the internet? How can that be as I have successfully been purchasing goods off Amazon, iTunes and Ebay for years. Actually, hang on Ebay is a den of thieves (personal experience, thank you very much) so maybe old Terry has a point after all!

Oh Buggering Hell Terry. Why did you not ask if I was an American citizen at the sodding start, rather then make me misty eyed with you valour only to ditch me in the middle of the email when you only state that you care about American citizens. You utter bastard Terrence, you total twat.

OFFICE OF THE US AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA
11 GARKI ROAD ABUJA
ABUJA, NIGERIA
ambassador_terencep@aol.com

WITHOUT MINCING WORDS, I AM CONVINCED 100% THAT YOU HAVE HAD BITTER
EXPERIENCE WITH VARIOUS SCAMMERS ‘CLAIMING TO BE HIGH GOVERNMENT
OFFICIALS BANKS AND THEREBY DEFRAUDING YOU OF YOUR’ HARD-EARNED
MONEY’ THE ACTIVITIES OF THESE SCAMMERS HAS CHANGED YOUR
PERSPECTIVE ABOUT CONDUCTING BUSINESS ON THE INTERNET AND YOU NOW
BELIEVED THERE IS NO GENUINE BUSINESS THAT CAN BE CONDUCTED ON THE
INTERNET. WELL I AM AMERICAN AND THE INTERNET WAS CREATED BY
AMERICANS FOR THE PURPOSE OF CREATING; AWARENESS FOR YOUR PRODUCTS/
SERVICES AND CONDUCTING GENUINE BUSINESS WITH EASE. I AM FULLY
COMMITTED TO DELIVER THE DIPLOMATIC CONSIGNMENT TO YOU.I Am A FULL
CITIZEN OF THE UNITED STATES BUT I WAS ON A MISSION HERE IN NIGERIA
AS A US AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA.
HENCE, I AM MAKING EVERY EFFORTS TO ENSURE THAT NO CITIZEN OF THE
UNITED STATES IS CHEATED BY NIGERIA/BENIN REPUBLIC. THEREFORE, I NEED
YOUR UTMOST SUPPORT AND UNDERSTANDING TO ACTUALIZE THIS DREAM. I ALSO
WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT I DO TRUST YOU AND I EXPECT YOU TO SHOW ME
THE SAME TRUST AND RESPECT IN RETURN SINCE TRUST IS A 2-WAY STREET. ON
THE OTHER HAND, TRUST IS A RELATIONSHIP OF RELIANCE. TRUST ALSO MEANS
BEING ABLE TO PREDICT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WILL DO AND WHAT SITUATIONS
WILL OCCUR.
I SHALL BE COMING TO YOUR COUNTRY FOR AN OFFICIAL MEETING ON FRIDAY AND I
WILL BE BRINGING YOUR OFFICE OF THE US AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA
FUNDS OF $15.5M ALONG WITH ME BUT THIS TIME I WILL NOT GO THROUGH CUSTOMS
BECAUSE AS AN AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA, I AM A US GOVERNMENT AGENT AND I HAVE
THE VETO POWER TO GO THROUGH CUSTOMS. AS SOON AS I AM THROUGH WITH THE
MEETING I SHALL THEN PROCEED TO YOUR ADDRESS. (SEND YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER
AND THE ADDRESS WHERE YOU WANT ME TO BRING THE PACKAGE).
YOU HAVE REALLY PAID SO MUCH IN THIS DELIVERY THAT MAKES ME WONDER. YOU
ARE A VERY LUCKY PERSON BECAUSE I SHALL BE BRINGING IT MYSELF AND THERE IS
NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT. CHECK HERE:
http://nigeria.usembassy.gov/biography.html YOUR PACKAGE($15.5M) MUST BE
REGISTERED AS AN AMBASSADORIAL PACKAGE FOR ME TO DEFEAT ALL ODDS AND THE
COST OF REGISTERING IT IS $150.THE FEE MUST BE PAID IN THE NEXT 50 HOURS
VIA WESTERN UNION SO THAT ALL NECESSARY ARRANGEMENT CAN BE MADE BEFORE
TIME WILL BE AGAINST US. CONTACT MY SECRETARY IMMEDIATELY FOR THE
REGISTERING FEE WHICH IS $150 ONLY.
CONTACT PERSON: Ochei Frank
SECRETARY TO US AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA.
EMAIL: (terence_mc@consultant.com)
Phone +23481-036-738-75
AS SOON AS YOU SEND THE FEE MAKE SURE YOU SEND ME THE PAYMENT
INFORMATION. MY FLIGHT IS THURSDAY AND I EXPECT YOU TO COMPLY BEFORE
THEN SO THAT THE DELIVERY CAN BE COMPLETED. IF YOU DO NOT COMPLY, THEN
IT WILL NOT BE MY FAULT IF YOU DO NOT RECEIVE YOUR PACKAGE.
THANK YOU

All in I think this is a junior spammer. Lots of errors here in that there is the assumption that I am an American and then the CAPS LOCK issues again, but finally asking for the payment in the first email is sloppy and cheap. No foreplay here but whip me kecks down for a bit of how’s your father on the first date. Shoddy effort and a very poor show. 3/10

Honestly Terrence I am so disappointed in you.

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