Tsk Those pesky FBI agents

Ok so not just the FBI getting in on the act but a very lazy spammer too.

Next up from Mr Patrick A. Anto yet crucially here the dickhead forgot to check that the title he addressed me does not match the email address.

Good Day,

How r u doing? I hope u r doing fine, I am very interesting and happy to contact you for a business venture, i believe you are a very nice and trusted person, My Name are Mr Patrick Anto, i am a Bank Manager of a financial institution, kindly contact me in my private id (mr.patrickanyely19@hotmail.com) and i will tell you the details about the business venture, also tell you my reasons why i choice to contact you for this business.

Regards
Patrick.
mr.patrickanyely19@hotmail.com

That’s it? Really? 5 lines of text and shoddy english. “How r u doing?” honestly, every bank manager I know writes an email in text speak. Lazy and arrogant in the assumption that I will react to this and bugger all effort put into it. 4/10 must try better next time

Got to love a special agent!

Now cream of the crop for today is the FBI contacting me, well specifically Special Agent John Edward who bless him has gone to all of the effort of finding a genuine looking address, created a massive backstory, created a constitution line with subsection reference (special effort goes for that one) and a time limit that I must react to that if I had been stupid and greedy I may have wanted to reply to. However, I am not a moron so I know that qq is a largely Chinese email service and is highly unlikely to be used by a real Federal Agent, but I do love the idea that FBI agents use their titles in an email just in case I would not know who they were.

Special Agent in Charge of the FBI’s Atlanta Division
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Intelligence field unit
2635 Century Parkway N.E,
Suite 400 Atlanta, GA 30345 USA
E-Mail: agentjohnedward1@qq.com

Urgent Attention:

I am Special Agent Agent John Edward from the Federal Bureau of Investigation (Atlanta Division) Intelligence Unit. We have just intercepted and confiscated two (2) trunk boxes at Hartsfield Jackson Atlanta international airport, and are on the verge of moving it to our bureau head quarters.

We have scanned the said boxes, and have found it to contain a total sum of USD$4.5M and also backup document which bears your name as the receiver of the money contained in the boxes. Investigations carried out on the diplomat who accompanied the boxes into the United States has it that he was to deliver this fund to your residence as your contract/inheritance payment which was due you from the office of finance Minster of the federal government of Nigeria.

We cross-checked all legal documentation in the boxes, and were about to release the consignment to the diplomat, when we found out that the boxes is lacking one very important documentation which as a result, the boxes have been confiscated until the required document is provided.

According to section 229 subsections 31 of the 1991 constitution on release of unclaimed consignment payment, your consignment lacks funds ownership certificate and for that reason you must contact me for direction on how to procure this certificate, so that your consignment can be legally cleared and okay for delivery to you.

You are required to contact this bureau within 72 hours or we would take it that you do not want your consignment, and would move it to the treasury Also, you must not contact any other bank for any payment, because your payment is here in care of our storage vault team and will be released to you once you follow my directives.

You have been warned.

Yours in service,
Agent John Edward
E-Mail: agentjohnedward1@qq.com
Special Agent in Charge of the FBI’s Atlanta Division.

Oh yes and I have been warned. Yes indeed Agent John Edward I have been warned to stay away from dicks like yourself but good effort so I can award you a resounding 9/10

 

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