A is for Apple and B is for bollocks

The story of the King’s new clothes goes along the lines of pompous and stupid King is sold the idea of a beautiful suit that has been designed especially for him at a great price but is in fact invisible or to put it another way is not real but the King is too thick, pompous and arrogant to admit that there is nothing there. Such a cunning and clever job done by the creator of the suit.

Fast forward to July 2012 and the world was introduced to Beats headphones. Crap reviews and poor sound quality but they sold and sold and sold because pompous and arrogant celebrities who could afford $200+ for cheap shit did not care what they sounded like but they looked good around their necks. Essentially a big plastic neck brace for the dim and rich.

It’s widely reported that Beats headphones cost $12 to manufacture and I’m sorry but that’s ridiculous. Yes companies have to make a profit but treat consumers as wanting something half decent, not tacky plastic and crap electronics.

I can see that the King is naked and I can also see the dim and rich that wear Beats. Or more to the point the dim, not rich kids that want to emulate the dim and rich celebrities by spending money they don’t have on wearing the plastic neck brace as they preen around the town with their mates. It’s amusing as I can say for certain I have never seen anyone wearing a pair of Beats headphones and listening to music. Mostly you still see people wandering around with the white Apple headphones plugged into their ears and to be honest the new ear buds do a decent job but obviously do not do the task that a proper pair of high quality headphones will produce. Don’t get me wrong I’m no audiophile snob but as a proponent of quality and companies delivering what they promise the Beats ethic makes me sick. It’s a slick marketing ploy to make money, not quite a con but lets put it this way they are produced so cheaply I doubt even the fake manufacturers cannot counterfeit these goods. Admirable yes for the cash cow but blimey if I ever hear the phrase this song sounds amazing on these Beats is the day the ZX81 computer comes back as THE computer of the year.

As commentators have said Apple has probable not paid for Beats for their current technology and with a questionable number of subscribers to the Beats streaming service a lot of questions have been raised as to why so much money is being paid for Beats. Certainly its going to be a move that pisses off HTC but you can’t help but think that Tim Cook would have loved this deal even more if Samsung had the deal with Beats that was ripped away from their grasp by the Apple dollars.

As with most companies that Apple buy it will probably be a year or so before any of the Beats gear makes its way into Apple products, if at all. We are too close to the new iPhone launch for this to be shoehorned in at the last minute and one thing we have never seen with Apple is cross branding with its products so at the moment it is unlikely that we will see earbuds with the B branding on them.

However, and this is what many commentators have missed. Apple is moving Siri into cars and has already shown that it is willing to partner and cross brand with third market ICE manufacturers. This foray into new markets and new deals may just have wet their appetites for an entirely new way of working.

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